new year same us. plus one

January 18, 2018

“last year it was one thing not using this space, this year it’s another thing.  i’m here now. full of baby….” aug 2017.

^^ when i was 30 weeks pregnant with the boy snoring here next to me who we now know as eddy + always knew was magic – i came back to this space with the strong intent to start again. regular writings. thoughts of baby + belly + all the things we wanted to buy for the boy inside my body + the excuse of him – wooden toys + knitwear. books. the records he has to hear.  i wanted to share it all here – being pregnant – sided with sharing things found along the way as before. but, alas, again, again i did not.
and i am a mother. now. john is now papa. (is he? or another word) hank is a soft + we hope not sad dog with the self appointed responsibility of helping keep a child safe and a new mellow way. keeping me company while i do the same + john is at work. life is different. but not like they say. a bit of magic that wasn’t here before arrived here in this home last month. it arrived on the sofa. in a shout of fiery strength + crazy feelings.
and then it just was.
settled + learning + looking deep in. warm + knowing + dare i say it easy. easy not in the way ‘this is a piece of cake’. no. easy in love + readiness. with heavy eyelids. easy in comfort + confidence in our willingness to learn. all of us eager to please + keen to try hard. for each other. for the boy. laid back in the knowing that we don’t know it all. and that’s ok + we go slow. it goes fast + it’s magic that we are together. and that we know lucky.
with harvest moon in the background + a new year just here. a small boy just joined in our days + just comes with us everywhere. he’s just here. and it doesn’t seem strange.

2017 you were not what we thought.

wild + unexpected
and now,
new year, same us.
plus 1.

| Georgia O’Keeffe. Untitled (Abstraction Green Line and Red Circle) – 1979|



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