^^ when i was 30 weeks pregnant with the boy snoring here next to me who we now know as eddy + always knew was magic – i came back to this space with the strong intent to start again. regular writings. thoughts of baby + belly + all the things we wanted to buy for the boy inside my body + the excuse of him – wooden toys + knitwear. books. the records he has to hear. i wanted to share it all here – being pregnant – sided with sharing things found along the way as before. but, alas, again, again i did not.
and i am a mother. now. john is now papa. (is he? or another word) hank is a soft + we hope not sad dog with the self appointed responsibility of helping keep a child safe and a new mellow way. keeping me company while i do the same + john is at work. life is different. but not like they say. a bit of magic that wasn’t here before arrived here in this home last month. it arrived on the sofa. in a shout of fiery strength + crazy feelings.
and then it just was.
settled + learning + looking deep in. warm + knowing + dare i say it easy. easy not in the way ‘this is a piece of cake’. no. easy in love + readiness. with heavy eyelids. easy in comfort + confidence in our willingness to learn. all of us eager to please + keen to try hard. for each other. for the boy. laid back in the knowing that we don’t know it all. and that’s ok + we go slow. it goes fast + it’s magic that we are together. and that we know lucky.
with harvest moon in the background + a new year just here. a small boy just joined in our days + just comes with us everywhere. he’s just here. and it doesn’t seem strange.
2017 you were not what we thought.
wild + unexpected
new year, same us.
| Georgia O’Keeffe. Untitled (Abstraction Green Line and Red Circle) – 1979|